There is one major difference between us, however, and it is the apparent cause of a multitude of minor differences as well. This troubles me in many ways, because that major difference is that Harrison is black. I grew up in a town called Greendale, which should likely give some indication as to the racial diversity present within it. Suffice it to say, I grew up around predominantly white people. My experience of black people was limited to watching "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" on TV and wondering why the first season of said show was so overtly serious at the end of every episode, coming down with a heavy-handed moral lesson about race. I assumed that I was an intelligent and rational person, but there was always a fear in the back of my mind; could I possibly be a racist and not know it? From a removed perspective within a predominantly white community, I had no negative thoughts towards those of different ethnicities, but I wondered what might happen if I spent a considerable amount of time with someone with a different level of melanin. It wasn't a major concern in my mind (why would it be?), but it was a thought that cropped up recurrently.
When Harrison and I first became friends, I was almost relieved to find that he did not fit into the various racial stereotypes that I had heard or been exposed to via the media. We spent long periods of time shooting pool, listening to music, working on homework, and sharing poetry with each other; he was, and is, an intelligent, humorous, and engaging person. He introduced me to various musicians that I now adore, including Hawksley Workman, Sarah Slean, Man Man, and Okkervil River. But, he also introduced me to L.A. Symphony. Now, L.A. Symphony is certainly fantastic, kickstarting the careers of such great MCs as Pigeon John, FLYNN, and Cookbook, as well as sparking my love of hip-hop in general. Therein lies the difficulty. As much as Harrison is a racial-stereotype-rejecting, Scrabble-winning, tennis-playing, New-York-Times-Crossword-completing, Vancouver-Canucks-loving Graduate Student in English, he is also a hip-hop-loving, basketball-playing, rap-battle-winning, rhythm-possessing, afro-having black man. And it pains me deeply to think that my mind is capable of making that distinction.
It makes me profoundly sad to think that at some subconscious level, I have trouble equating some of Harrison's personality traits with the colour of his skin. On another subconscious level, it makes me sad that I find it so easy to equate some of Harrison's other personality traits with the colour of his skin. Why should any of these things be stereotypically connected with a certain melanin-level in someone's body? Am I reacting negatively because I know that Harrison is almost certainly more intelligent than myself and I have been conditioned by society to be surprised by this? Is blaming society a blatant cop-out? Whatever the case, some part of me wanted Harrison to be more stereotypically white as proof for some subconscious thesis statement to a non-existent academic paper: "not all black people are the same."
On the other hand, it could be that I only see these things when I over-analyse myself: I certainly don't have these thoughts when I hang out with Harrison and I'm not even certain if I fully believe everything I have just written down. I'm not even sure if I should post this at all. I guess I should summarise: Harrison is one of my best friends, but reading his thoughts on racism takes my mind down paths that make me wonder if I myself am a racist. Therefore, it's all his fault.
Wait, was that racist?
